What is your average reaction time?
mine is 1.8 seconds.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/ ... rsion5.swf
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Henry's Jokes & Games & StuffModerators: Adam Wyard, Dallas Hershell, Micky Cafarella, Terry Jackson, Nathan Reese, Luke Hough, Ray Taaffe
0.24 second
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk, A carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A head of romaine lettuce, A 2 lb. can of coffee, and A 1 lb. package of bacon. As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status. Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
The three Dolls in a man's life are:
1........His Daughter, 'Baby doll' 2........His Girlfriend, 'Barbie doll' Wait for it 3........His Wife, 'Panadol '. In the midst of our snooker season when I want to put in a few extra snooker sessions she goes "NO, what for? you seem to get better without practicing anyway" 
A man suspected that his wife was cheating on him, so he hired a Chinese
detective...the cheapest one he could find. This is his report... Most honorable sir! You leave house. I watch house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go hotel. I climb tree. I look window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall off tree. I not see. No fee, Cheng Lee
0.0236 seconds 
Billy Connolly on Retirement
What do retired people do all day? "Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well for example, the other day I went into town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes, when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a f***** break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres. So I called him a f***ing s---head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came into town by bus. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at my age ...
A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun.
He shouts "this is a raid – everyone get on the floor!!", and proceeds to empty the cash drawers. As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts.. "Did anybody else here see my face?". The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also. "Did anybody else see my face?" he shouts again, waving his gun around There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner. . . . , , , , , , , , "I think my missus caught a glimpse...." J
Dan was a single guy
living at home with his father and working in the family business. He toiled at it for years, until finally his father was on his deathbed -- Dan would inherit a fortune! He decided he needed a wife with which to share the vast estate. One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few weeks, my father will die, and I'll inherit 100 million dollars." Impressed, the woman accepted his business card. And just three short days later .... she became his stepmother.
The Man Store
A brand new store has just opened that sells Men. When women go to choose a man, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:
"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!" So, a woman goes to the Man Store to find a man. The 1st floor sign reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the 4th floor and The sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the 5th floor and The sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Man Store. Here endith the lesson.
A woman was in a coma, she had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a blanket bath.
One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was a small, recognizable movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma.' The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried. The husband said, 'I'm not sure, maybe she choked.'
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
'Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?' Michael said, 'Just a minute, I have to go pee.' The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite. 'What about you Peter, how would you say it?' Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.' Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?' I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner.' The teacher fainted.
Patrick the irishman,who was on holiday on Bondi beach couldn't seem
to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice. Mate,it's obvious,' says the lifeguard, 'you're wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. You 're best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin'ya mate...you'll have all the babes ya want!' The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beachwas disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, andlaughing, looking sick! So Patrick went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, 'What's wrong now?' JAHEESUS!' said the lifeguard, 'Maaaaate. The potato goes in front!'
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (Written by kids)
(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10 (2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. - Kristen, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? (1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. - Camille, age 10 (2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. - Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age) HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? (1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. - Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? (1) Both don't want any more kids. - Lori, age 8 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? (1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. - Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure) (2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. - Martin, age 10 WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? (1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -Craig, age 9 WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? (1) When they're rich. - Pam, age 7 (2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. - Curt, age 7 (3) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. - Howard, age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? (1) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. - Anita, age 9 (bless you child) HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? (1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Kelvin, age 8 And the #1 Favourite is........ HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? (1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. - Ricky, age 10
CAUTION: This joke has swear words in it, must be 18+
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying 'Hello.' I politely said, 'This is David. Could I please speak with Robert Campbell?' Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear, 'Get the right f*kin number!' and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, 'You're a C*nt!' and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'C*nt' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're a C*nt!' It always cheered me up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'C*nt' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said,' Hi, this is John Smith from BT I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?' He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're a C*nt!' One day I was at Lakeside Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first C*nt (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the Land Rover C*nt, too. I said, 'Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?' 'Yes, it is', he said. 'Can you tell me where I can see it?' I asked. 'Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street, in Ilford. It's a terraced house, and the car's parked right out in front.' 'What's your name?' I asked. 'My name is Steve Hansen,' he said. 'When's a good time to catch you, Steve?' 'I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed.' 'Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?' 'Yes?' 'Steve, you're a C*nt!' Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two a**eholes to call. Then one day I came up with an idea. I called C*nt #1. 'Hello?' 'You're a C*nt!' (But I didn't hang up.) 'Are you still there?' he asked. 'Yeah,' I said. 'Stop calling me,' he screamed. 'Make me,' I said. 'Who are you?' he asked. 'My name is Steve Hansen.' 'Yeah?' `Where do you live?' 'I live at 129 Alice Street, Ilford, a terraced house, with my gunmetal grey Land Rover parked out the front.' He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start saying your prayers.' I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, C*nt,' and hung up. Then I called C*nt #2. 'Hello?' he said. 'Hello, C*nt,' I said. He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...' 'You'll do what?' I said. ' I'll kick the sh*t out of you' he said I answered, 'Well, C*nt, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.' Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 129 Alice Street, Ilford, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 5 News about the hoodie war going down in Alice Street, Ilford . I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice Street. I got there just in time to watch two C*nts beating the cr*p out of each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police helicopter and a News crew.> Now I feel MUCH better. Take it from me, anger management really works!
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file. The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. 'Whose funeral is it?' 'My wife's.' 'What happened to her?' The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her.' He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?' The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.' A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men. 'Can I borrow the dog?' The man replied, 'Get in line.'
Paddy was a youthful and hard working Irishman at a coastal village in Ireland . Daily he would pole a heavy old punt out to sea then work a heavy iron grapple to bring up the sand oysters which he sold to the local ice works - he was a man of regular habits he always arrived home each day at a certain time .
Sadly Paddy did not realise the heavy grappling was taking a toll on a faulty heart. One day he failed to come home, his wife contacted the Gardia to investigate him missing, they rowed out and found Paddy dead in the punt beside him a huge grappel full of oysters he'd tried to hoist aboard............ Headlines next day in the 'Irish Times Newspaper............... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . OYSTERS KILL PATRICK
What do you call a Middle Eastern Country Singer?
SALIM DUSTY........
Golf Caddie comments
Golfer: I think im going to drown myself in the lake
Caddie: Think you can keep your head down that long? Golfer: Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron Caddie: Yes sir, eventually Golfer: Yourve got to be the worst caddie in the world Caddie: I dont think so sir, that would be too much of a coincidence Golfer: Please stop checking your watch. Its too much of a distraction Caddie: Its not a watch sir - its a compass Golfer: This is the worst golf course I have ever played on Caddie: This isnt the golf course sir. We left that an hour ago
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin , orders three pints of Guinness
and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender says to him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; It would taste better if you bought one at a time.' The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America , the other in Australia , and I'm here in Dublin . When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together.' The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the sameway: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars' in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.' The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then the light dawns in his eye and he laughs. 'Oh, no,' he says, 'Everyone is fine. It's me........I've quit drinking!'
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' Eight,' the boy replied. The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?' The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either.'
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little ticked off so when he feeds the chickens, he kicks a chicken. When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow. When he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. 'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon, and why don't I have any milk in my cereal? ' he asks. 'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick a chick en, so you don't get any eggs for a week. 'I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. 'I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk.' Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, 'You gonna tell him or should I?'
Two guys, one old timer and one young fella, are pushing their shopping carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The old timer says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old timer says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?" The young guy says, "Well, she's tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, and she's wearing tight white shorts with a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?" The old timer says, "Doesn't matter -- let's look for yours first!"
CHINESE HOROSCOPES 2009
RAT General You will be presented with many opportunities to allow you to develop and grow this year. There will be severe people issues and you should be prepared that there will be a high tendency that you might lose your friends along the way. People might get jealous and start to pick on you alleging that you are arrogant and proud. The temptation to bury yourself in your work at hand and to give of your best might lead you to isolate yourself and in doing so you might lose many friends. This will result in more problems for you by affecting your progress at work with colleagues and friends refusing you their cooperation. As a result, more problems might start to snowball from here. Deal with these people issues and be diplomatic in doing so. With your charm and intelligence, you will be able to manage those who oppose you. Aside from this, your immune system will be poor this year and you might easily contract common illnesses. Your relationship will also be unstable. The stress that you receive from other areas of your life seem to cloud your judgment of your relationship. Career On the career front, your bosses and authority figures will be willing to give you the opportunities to shine and excel. This will definitely be what you deserve and you will certainly be able to exceed their expectations. Even with this new found confidence, please try not to get carried away. You will still need to manage office politics and be sensitive to other people's reactions towards you. In some circumstances, people might tend to see you as someone arrogant and despise your confidence. As you progress, you might tend to isolate yourself because many will not agree with you out of spite. People who disagree with you might cause difficulties that will impact your progress ultimately. Be patient and diplomatic as it will be better to have more friends than enemies, especially when you will need their cooperation to get things done. Should you be in business, it will seem that you might be doing well as you will have many clients and you will be very busy. However, you might find that your revenue will not be increasing exponentially. You should not proceed to expand your business in a hurry. But instead, you might want to evaluate your business model to determine the cause of the problems. Should you still be interested to expand your business, you should do it gradually taking into consideration your cash-flow. Wealth Try to accrue your wealth through the traditional method of saving this year. It will be not advisable for you to make investments, engage in gambling or any other similar activities. It will be to your advantage to use conservative wealth management techniques rather than other risky methods this year. Relationship For singles, there be will a lot of confusion in the relationship area because you might have difficulty in interpreting your feelings. It might seem that you have feelings for one person and yet all of a sudden you might feel that you have fallen for another person. Should be unsure of your emotions, you should maintain a distance and try not to send out confusing signals to others as someone might get hurt and it will be difficult to have to explain yourself later. If you are attached or married, there will be a strong possibility of tension caused by gossip, relatives, friends or matters involving your children. You might even feel that your relationship has deteriorated or that you no longer love the person. For those who are attached, there will be a high risk of breaking up. No matter whether you are attached or married, you should continue to persevere. You will be going through a lot of pressures this year and this will cause instability in your relationship. Be aware though that this feeling of instability will be just a passing phase and you should not allow this to become a permanent regret by making impulsive decisions. Health Your immune system will be weaker than usual. The stress that you receive from people problems will affect your health. You will be more prone to common illnesses such as colds and flu. Thus, watch your diet, keep your stress levels in check and maintain a healthy lifestyle. People The people problems that you will face with this year will be severe. This will arise because others will be unable to understand the reasons for you to be given the type of opportunities that they will not have. Your ability to see ahead of others will pose a challenge for others to keep up with you. Due to a lack of time, you might even be forced to go ahead with your plans on your own without getting the support of others. As a result, people will not be comfortable being associated with you and might even misinterpret your actions as being arrogant. Hence, you will have a tendency to end up isolating yourself. However, you will still need to realize that you might require the support of others to complete your tasks. Be patient, stay humble and be diplomatic. Manage them and make them your friends. Action Place Red Jasper, Aragonite or Clear Scepter in your office. You can contact us for a personal reading as the advice given will be specifically tailored for you. You might want to consider having a Feng Shui consultation if you wish to utilize the environment to effectively enhance your fortune in areas such as wealth, health, relationships and career and to lessen your difficulties. OX General Despite the fact that you might not have been very satisfied with how 2008 has been going for you, 2008 will be much smoother than 2009. You might find that there will be a lot more challenges that await you in 2009. Apart from having to cope with the many challenges from different areas of your life, you will also be left to deal with problems on your own. That will create a strong sense of loneliness and helplessness. Furthermore, you should hope that people will not come together to attack you. Your concentration will be weaker this year and this might place you in a fragile position. You will tend to overlook details and might even make mistakes. Aside from affecting your performance and luck, it might also lead you to become more accident-prone than usual. Your health issues will mostly be stress related. It might all seem rather depressing this year. Instead of dwelling on how things should be, consider focusing on relaxing activities this year to boost your concentration and reducing your stress levels. Adopt subtle methods instead of being forceful to achieve your objectives this year. It will surprise you that by taking one step back you will actually be taking three steps forward. Career On the career front, you might find yourself often being drawn into heated arguments on your own. There will be inadequate support from your bosses and management and even your colleagues will not cooperate with you. Knives might come at you from all directions even as you walk along the empty office corridors innocently. Being forgetful and overlooking details will further place you at a disadvantage in your struggle with office politics. This year, try not to be too hard on yourself and just give of your best. Most importantly, it will be best to get through this year with a sound mind. Stay friendly with your colleagues but understand that it will be best not to trust anybody at the work place with sensitive and confidential information. Focus on your inner peace and this will help to improve your concentration. Your strength to concentrate will determine how well you will be able to survive this year. If in business, you might find that your energy to deal with business matters decrease tremendously this year. You will get distracted easily which might lead you to losing business deals or making mistakes. Stay focused on your goals and give yourself more time to achieve harmony within yourself as it will help you to replace your energy and help you to focus. Try to avoid making drastic moves this year. Your success rate will be greater should you be able to break down your plans into smaller phases. Wealth Your wealth luck in general will not be good this year. Avoid making investments, gambling or any other related activities. You might even need to be careful when making purchases, especially then it comes to expensive items. This is because your concentration will be weaker than usual this year and you might overlook details and the terms of the contract. This might result in placing yourself at a disadvantage or being short-changed by others. Do not make impulsive decisions regarding your wealth and also allow yourself more time to do your homework before signing contracts or documents. If you are making expensive purchases, ensure that you have thought through carefully and understand the details before going ahead. It will be best to be conservative towards money matters this year. Relationship Should you be single, the possibility of getting attached is quite slim this year because you will have too many worries on your mind that will distract you from such relationship matters. For those in a relationship, you might find that the time that you spend with your other half will be limited and you might get into conflicts more often this year. There might also be the possibility of being emotionally detached from your relationship. This will not be an indication that there is something wrong with the relationship. It will merely be that you might require more personal space. Let your partner know that there is nothing wrong and you will need their unconditional support this year. Health You are more accident-prone this year due to your lack of being able to focus. You must be extra careful when you drive by staying focused on the roads and not allowing your thoughts to stray. Should you find that you have difficulty in staying focused, it might be safer to take public transport. This year you will be prone to stress related health problems such as high blood pressure, migraines and fatigue and as such should try to engage in activities that will help you to relax yourself. People In general, the people issues you will be confronted with this year will be very severe. Furthermore there will be struggles where office politics is concerned. Apart from inadequate support from both your superiors and others, your lack of concentration will also place you at a disadvantage. Avoid making impulsive or extreme comments this year as you might have to eat your words later. No matter how aggressive you might have to be, remember to allow yourself some leeway and not work yourself into a corner. Although it might seem that you will have to face challenges alone, you might still be able to get support from people should you request for it. Action Bring a Jade Pixiu with you wherever you go for protection. You can also place a Crystal Cluster and Calcite near you. You can contact us for a personal reading as the advice given will be specifically tailored for you. You might want to consider having a Feng Shui consultation if you wish to utilize the environment to effectively enhance your fortune in areas such as wealth, health, relationships and career and to lessen your difficulties. TIGER General You will be very popular this year and might be able to use this time to participate in more people oriented activities to enjoy and reap the benefits. Greater authority or responsibilities will be given to you this year, and this will be an opportune time to prove yourself. However, do not get carried away as the challenges this year will be sudden and harsh. People might even pull the plug on you unexpectedly or a sudden crisis might appear from thin air. You will need to be alert and be prepared for all possibilities. There will also be a strong likelihood that people might want to get you into trouble this year. Be careful not to allow yourself to be duped. This year, males will have better luck than females. For females, your luck will improve if you work together with males or seek help from males. Your health will only be average and your wealth will be below average. You might overspend and your luck in the game of chance will be weaker than usual. You might take this opportunity to buy something that you desire but keep a watch over your finances. There will be a strong indication of being cheated or of even being robbed. Career This year, management will have no hesitation in giving you heavier responsibilities and bigger roles because they trust that you will be someone whom they can rely upon. However, this will not necessarily come with a promotion or a salary increase. Even though you will be given greater authority this year, you will need to prepare for unexpected matters that might occur such as someone taking credit from you at the last moment and something going wrong at the eleventh hour or you might find yourself at the losing end. How well you fair this year will depend on how well you will be able to handle sudden crisis, prepare contingency plans and avoid being manipulated by others. Since your popularity will be stronger this year, those engaged in sales, project management or any other roles that are people oriented, will tend to perform better. If in business, your sales will be very good this year. This will be a great time to be involved in building rapport, publicity and networking. Even when your business will be doing very well and you might have plans to expand your business, be extra careful in making investments or expanding aggressively. There will tend to be many unforeseen challenges appearing this year. Try to set aside some time to develop any contingency plans should things take a turn for the worse. You might also want to be careful of whom you might employ this year. Should you overhear of any quick cash schemes or anything that might sound too good to be true, you should be skeptical rather than having to be sorry later. This year, being courageous, having an eye for detail and being flexible will be required in order to do well. Wealth Your wealth luck will not be good. Not only will it be difficult to gain wealth through investments, it will also be equally difficult to save this year as you might have to make big purchases this year. However, you might also take this opportunity to buy something that you want. Try not to get involved in investment related activities this year. Although you might have to make large purchases, try to limit access to your available funds by placing most of it in Fixed Deposits or by locking them up in investments in order that you will not be able to deplete it. Another factor that will determine how well your wealth status is this year will depend on how well you can avoid being cheated by others or making wrong financial decisions as a result of others misrepresentations or being misled. As such, you will not only need to be wary of individuals, but will also need to be careful of Institutions that you might deal with. You might also be prone of being robbed this year so avoid flaunting your wealth unnecessarily. Relationship In the case of singles, this will be a great time to socialize as there will be a high probability that you will fall in love. If you are attached, there will be a stronger possibility that you will move on to the next phase of your relationship such as getting married. If you are married, the bond you have will be far stronger than usual. As your popularity will be very strong this year, you will tend to attract people like a magnet does. Thus it will be wiser to maintain a comfortable distance with the opposite sex should you already be in a relationship as your popularity might create misunderstandings with those close to you. Health Your health will only be average this year. However, you will need to be careful of illnesses that might be related to sudden bouts of anger, such as high blood pressure, strokes or even heart attacks. This will be mainly because there will be many situations that might catch you off guard that might result in extreme anger or bitter disappointment. The more you will be able to minimize your anger or disappointment, the better your health will be. This will not mean that you should suppress your stress and frustrations deep within you. You will need to work on the healthiest way to channel your stress outwards. This year, be extra careful of being robbed and avoid wearing too much jewellery or carrying too much cash around. People It might sound contradictory that although you will be enjoying greater popularity this year, yet there will be many people who might want to deceive you, get you into trouble or let you down at the last minute. You should not take all the wining, dining and friendly smiles at face value as some people will have ulterior motives. You might also fall in love, make new allies and have new friends. However, you should not let your guard down. It will still be best not to share confidential or sensitive information with people who might have conflicting interests with you, no matter how close you might feel to the person. If you have important decisions to make, avoid relying upon others for the information gathered and try to do your own homework or at the very least verify critical information yourself. Action Carry a Staurolite good luck charm pouch for protection against the possibility of robbery and also to further improve your luck. Place a Red Jasper near you to reduce unjust and unfair situations. You can contact us for a personal reading as the advice given will be specifically tailored for you. You might want to consider having a Feng Shui consultation if you wish to utilize the environment to effectively enhance your fortune in areas such as wealth, health, relationships and career and to lessen your difficulties. RABBIT General 2009 will be another challenging year for those who are born in the year of the Rabbit. You might suffer from some surprises this year because you are used to being able to get support easily from others but this will not be the case this year. Apart from your lack of support, there might also be a high probability that you will get caught up in some sticky situations such as having legal problems and even having the likelihood of criminal convictions that might lead to a jail term. You might also find yourself being trapped in other undesirable situations. This year, there will be many people who will plot against you, give you wrong information or mislead you into making decisions that might cause you difficulties. Despite your happy go lucky nature, it will be important for you to remain alert and to spot any possible complications before they arise and avoid relying or trusting in others. Although this will be a stressful year for you, avoid adopting aggressive actions or making impulsive decisions as doing so will be similar to being in quick-sand where the greater you struggle, the faster you will sink into it. It will be important to be rational and reasonable to be able to see things clearly in order to to get the relevant help to get you through. This year, you will be able to tell your friends from those who just want to take advantage of you. You will also be accident-prone and your health will generally be poorer than usual. If you have elders in your family, please be extra careful with their health and safety too. Your wealth luck will not be good too and there might also be the likelihood of incurring huge expenses in several unwanted areas. Career In terms of your career, you will find that it will be more difficult to get support from your authority figures, your peers and even your subordinates. Your associates might tend to stay away from you or will not give you the type of help and cooperation that you will require. Apart from being surrounded by uncooperative people, there will also be many sudden challenges that might appear. Be prepared that should things not work out as planned, you will have to come out with some contingency plans. Although many matters will not be to your favor, it will be advisable to take preventive measures rather than being aggressive or stubborn. There will even be a strong possibility that you might get involved in legal problems that might result in court cases with even the likelihood of facing criminal convictions that might lead to a jail term. This will be very similar to what you have faced in 2008 except that this time you will have difficulty in getting people to provide you with help or assistance. Should your job require you to sign legal documents, please ensure that you will do so with the guidance of legal representatives. Although you have a trusting nature, it will be advisable to be cautious when it comes to legal related matters. For those in business, you might find that the growth of your business tends to be lower than usual. It will be very important for you to be aware of not breaking the law. These infringements might range from copyright issues through to financial issues. Should you be unsure about such matters, get proper advice from legal representatives. You will be prone to legal problems this year and should also be careful that others might give you misleading information that might result in you making wrong decisions. The best approach to this year will be to be conservative and to use your common sense. Wealth Your wealth luck in general will be rather weak. There will be a high probability of incurring huge expenses and there might be various potential areas that might lead to huge expenses. One of these potential areas will be whether you will become involved in legal problems. Hence, be careful for anything that might lead to such problems. If there are traffic fines or any other fines, please try to sort them out before they become something more severe. The other potential area for problem will be that as your luck will be lower than usual, you might tend to trust the wrong people and might be deceived into doing something that might costs you a lot of money but will not benefit you. There will also be a strong likelihood of spending money on medical expenses that might be for your own self or for your elders at home. Relationship Where you are single, you might find that the chances of falling in love are quite slim and you might even be disillusioned with human nature and be pessimistic about relationships. Where you are in a relationship or married, there will be a lot of tension this year. The challenges that you will face at work, with friends or even with family might seem to get in the way of your relationship. You might find that your partner might not to be able to understand the problems that you are facing or even blame you for the current situation. The way your partner treats you this year might be quite abrupt and impatient. It will be important for you to pull yourself together and be positive about such problems as you should not dwell on thoughts that might make you behave erratically. Health You will be prone to falling ill this year and you will also be more accident prone than usual. If you are driving, please ensure that will you have enough rest and keep your mind clear. As there will be many things that occur this year that might bother you a great deal, you might tend to be distracted and this will affect your safety especially if you are operating machinery or driving. Aside from your own health and safety, you should also take special care of your elders’ health and safety. People The charm that you possess with others might fade away slowly this year. Not only will it be more difficult to get the support from others, people might tend to be more indifferent towards your situation. You will need to be careful in terms of back-stabbings, betrayals or even disputes. There will be people providing you misleading information and allowing you to make the wrong decisions to get you into trouble. It might seem that there are more people planning to plot against you or to push you into a corner and it might be very disheartening to face the unpleasing side of human nature. However, it will be important for you to stay focused and remain strong. Use your common sense and avoid relying on others. Action Carry a Jade Pixiu and place a dragon in your Gui Ren sector. Place a Hematite near you. You can contact us for a personal reading as the advice given will be specifically tailored for you. You might want to consider having a Feng Shui consultation if you wish to utilize the environment to effectively enhance your fortune in areas such as wealth, health, relationships and career and to lessen your difficulties. DRAGON General You might find that you will not benefit as much from your good luck this year. Although there will be many matters that will require your attention, you will not be alone and will be able to get some assistance from other people. For females, you will tend to have better luck than your male counterparts. You should also appreciate the support that you get from other people and avoid getting into direct conflict with others. Also, you need to be careful of people trying to use underhanded means to make life difficult for you. Avoid making unnecessary comments or getting involved in matters that do not directly affect you or you might get distracted easily. Should you be doing something important or operating machinery, it will be important to stay focused as it might have an impact on your performance. Your wealth luck will be below average. You might also tend to be more susceptible to common illnesses on a regular basis this year. As such, ensure you have adequate rest and take necessary nutrients. Furthermore, be cautious of getting involved in legal problems. Career On the career front, there might be a lot of disagreements, betrayals, back stabbings, difficult circumstances and gossip. There will be matters that might tempt you to react aggressively to many unfair and unjust situations. However, you should not allow yourself to be angry and to act impulsively. Try to control your temper and focus on working out strategies to reach your objectives. You luck in general will be below average. Hence, you will need to be cautious and not push your luck too much. Adopting diplomatic and subtle methods will help improve your circumstances. Females will be able perform better than males. For males, you might increase your luck by working with or seeking help from the opposite sex. Should you be required to deal with legal documents or make major decisions, you might want to discuss it with someone you can trust or obtain the help from those with relevant expertise. Your concentration will also be weak and you might overlook details and be distracted easily. There will also be the possibility of being involved in legal matters so you should be careful of not breaking the law. If in business, it will be slower than in other previous years. Females will tend to perform better than males. For males, you might want to seek help from the opposite sex. There will also be a high probability of disputes or disagreements with business partners, clients or colleagues. You might have to spend more energy dealing with people issues as there will be many people who might be unable to agree with your strategies or they might just want to make things difficult for you. As you might tend to get distracted easily as you spread yourself too thin, you will need people that you can trust to take care of the details for you. Legal problems might arise from the overlooking of details. However, you will not need to worry too much about legal problems. But it will be best to deal with such problems before they become worse. Wealth Your wealth luck in general will be slightly below average. However, your additional sources of wealth might not be as strong as your main source of wealth. It will not be advisable to engage in investments or other investment related activities. You might also need to be careful in terms of incurring huge sums of money due to legal issues or through being careless and also through making unnecessary purchases on impulse. If you are under stress, you might consider leaving your credit cards at home when you go shopping or placing your credit cards out of your reach of your computer when on-line to prevent making on-line purchases. Furthermore, your inattentiveness might lead you to end up being short-changed by others. Relationship For single females, there will be greater opportunities to fall in love or get to know someone whom you might be interested in to further the relationship. On the other hand for single males, this will be a quiet year. For those who are attached or married, you might find that your relationship will be unstable this year. You might also feel insecure because sometimes you might feel that the person whom you love is so near and yet so far. Apart from this, there might also be many instances that you will have arguments or be unhappy over gossip or matters that do not relate to you directly. It is best to remember that trust is fundamental in all relationships especially between spouses and those who are attached. Stay focused on your relationship and avoid bringing problems of others into your relationship. Health You might find yourself contracting and recovering from common illnesses such as colds and flu throughout the year. It will be quite bothersome and might make you feel more tired than usual by draining away your energy. If you would like to reduce the frequency of falling ill, it will be important to ensure you have adequate rest and take proper nutrients to allow for the proper recovery of your health. People There will be many circumstances that might arise for you to have heated arguments with others. You will need to be careful and avoid having direct conflicts with others as most people might suppress their anger and will look for opportunities to get back at you. Your luck this year will not be as good and it will be best that you not offend people along the way. In addition to direct conflicts, there might also be those who might use underhanded methods on you. Apart from this, there might also be a strong possibility that people might misunderstand your words or actions, especially misconstrue words that you speak on impulse or where the tone that you might use is a little harsh. Avoid making unnecessary comments and be careful in the way you communicate with others. As your concentration tends to be weaker this year, there will be stronger possibilities that you might fall into other people’s traps. Action Place an Ocean Jasper or Howlite near you on your desk or in your bedroom. Calcite and Kyanite will also be helpful when placed in your office. You can contact us for a personal reading as the advice given will be specifically tailored for you. You might want to consider having a Feng Shui consultation if you wish to utilize the environment to effectively enhance your fortune in areas such as wealth, health, relationships and career and to lessen your difficulties. SNAKE General This will be a great time for you in terms of your career as your contributions and efforts will be recognized. Promotions and salary increments might also be a possibility. This will also mean that you might be busier this year. You will need to be careful of your health due to your tight schedule because you might not be able to have regular meals. You will also need to be careful of your elders’ health and safety. However the challenge that you will face this year will be people who might want to tempt you into doing things that are against your conscience or that might hurt others. It will be important for you not to fall into their trap and to avoid being made use of. They might even entice you to commit illegal acts. Apart from this, people will also tend to gossip or talk badly about you this year. Avoid participating in any gossip corners as you will need to be aware of your own words and behavior. Many things will be going on behind your back and you might not always have the opportunity to defend yourself. You should be clear in your communications and avoid ambiguity or leave open the possibility for misunderstandings. As word spreads around, it might tarnish your reputation that might become an obstacle to your goals in the future. Pay more attention this year and it will save you from a lot of trouble in the future. Career There will also be indications that you will be given greater responsibilities and authority this year. Though this might not necessarily imply promotions and salary increments, there will be a strong likelihood of it being so. Management and your bosses will recognize the efforts and contributions you have made previously. You will be kept busy and will be required to attend to a lot of matters and in doing so will be noticed in light of your high profile position. However, being in the limelight might also attract unwanted attention. Try not to do anything that is against your conscience or anything that will have any adverse effects on others. There will be many people talking behind your back and criticizing you. You will need to be extra careful this year of who you associate with as there might be those who will try to lead you into doing things that will result in you facing criticism. Be extra careful if you need to handle legal documents or make decisions that might have legal implications. There might also be the possibility of being involved in legal problems. Should you be in business, you will do well in terms of increasing your revenue as well as expanding your business. Avoid trying to use impulsive methods that might boost your business in the short run but will affect business continuity in the longer term. Furthermore you might also associate with people who will try to persuade you into making fast money by going against your principles. You should not adopt such underhanded or even illegal means to increase your revenue. Trust is very important and you should not destroy the trust your clients and colleagues have placed in you. However, there might be the possibility of disputes with business partners, colleagues or clients that might even lead to the dissolution of your partnership. To successfully reap the best from this year you should act according to your principles and maintain harmonious relationships with your business partners, colleagues and clients. Wealth Your wealth luck will be good in general. However, you will need to be extra careful in terms of your additional sources of wealth such as investments and gambling. In the beginning when you start to engage in such activities, it might seem that you might receive a windfall. However, you should not be greedy and leave before your luck changes or it might cost you far more than what you might have won previously. There will be people who might try to increase your expenses by encouraging you to spend on vices or even to engage in illegal activities. It will be wise to have some moments of self-reflection from time to time on whom you might associate with and their influence on you. Another matter that might impact your wealth is how well you are able to avoid legal problems. You might also incur large expenses on your elders at home through medical fees and other related expenses. Relationship For singles, your relationship area will be rather quiet this year. Although this might be so, it will still be advisable for you to continue to participate in activities that will allow you the opportunity to make new friends as this will increase your rate of success to finding the right person when the right time arrives. For those who are attached or married, there will be a lot of tension that might be due to gossip and misunderstandings. To reduce tension in your relationship, you will need to watch closely your behavior so as not to give people a reason to criticize you. They might even talk badly about your partner to you. Trust is very important this year and you should not believe in everything that you will hear. When others say or do things that might cause problems to your relationship, you will need to protect your relationship by trusting in each other. Health You will be prone to illnesses that might relate to your digestive system like gastric, stomach flu and intestinal problems. You should also have regular meals and take plenty of vegetables. No matter how busy you might be at work, you should not trade your health for anything. You need to remember that good health will be the basis to being able to reap all the good things in life. Another matter that you will need to be cautious of will be that many people who might tempt you into vices such as drinking and overexerting your health. It will be fine to be a social drinker but you should not drink excessively and especially not on an empty stomach. Also, if you consume alcohol, you should get someone to drive or take public transport. Apart from your own health, you will also need to take care of your elders’ health and safety. People You will not get into many heated arguments this year and people might not confront you directly. However, this will not imply that you will be safe from people issues this year. People will tend to gossip behind your back and talk badly about you. Due to this, it will be important for you to watch your own behavior and understand how your behavior or words might affect others. If you say or do anything that might cause inconvenience or be upsetting to others, it will affect your reputation a great deal and might place you in an inferior position with respect to strangers. The challenge that you face will be that there might be people that will pretend to be your friends and tempt you into doing things that will not be acceptable in general and will be against your own conscience. They might even try to tempt you to break the law. As such, you should be careful not to fall into their trap. You will also need to be aware to ensure that you will not cause inconvenience or to be impolite to others. Actions Place a Red Jasper, Hematite and Golden Calcite near you. You can contact us for a personal reading as the advice given will be specifically tailored for you. You might want to consider having a Feng Shui consultation if you wish to utilize the environment to effectively enhance your fortune in areas such as wealth, health, relationships and career and to lessen your difficulties. HORSE General This will be a tricky year for you. Although you will have great potential to do well in terms of your wealth and career, there will be many well-hidden dangers along the way. The popularity that you have will be fake as it will only attract those who are not genuine and insincere. As such, your relationship with such people will be vulnerable and will be unable to withstand challenges that you will go through. It will be best to avoid taking your popularity for granted and indulging in too much socializing and entertaining as you might end up wasting your time in building up relationships that will not last and that you cannot rely upon. In addition, such a lifestyle that you might end up leading will place your health and safety at risk as well. Instead, you should use your time to pursue your goals. Worst of all, will be a high tendency of getting yourself into trouble through your involvement with the wrong people. This might further lead you to having to spend money to solve certain problems and even for medical expenses. To get the best out of this year, you might want to stay focused on your goals and lead a healthy lifestyle. Feel free to enjoy your popularity. However, you might want to set apart your true friends from those who are just 'friends of convenience'. You should also not run the risk of accepting any indecent proposals no matter how tempting they might be. Career You will have great potential to do well in your career. There will even be indications that you will have salary increases without necessarily having to do much work. You will be kept busy socializing, building rapport and entertaining. However, the benefits that you might be able to reap will depend on how well you will be able to stay focused on your goals. As much time will be spent on socializing and building rapport, your tasks at hand might be neglected or not completed on schedule. You should use your popularity wisely and not jeopardize your achievements by indulging in matters that might turn out unpleasant. Office extra-marital affairs should be something that you should certainly avoid at all costs. There will be signs of arguments with colleagues, bosses or clients. Try to remain calm and keep your eyes focused on your targets that you have set out. There will be people who will help you along your way, just as there will be those who will tempt you to lose focus from your goals. You will need a clear mind to know what you want and get on with what you have to accomplish and not waste time. In business, you will face a roller coaster year. There will be many great opportunities to secure large deals and make lots of money. Although you will find that you will receive support from people easily, there will be too much time spent on socializing, entertaining and having unproductive discussions. This might affect your progress in terms of growing your business, securing agreements or increasing your revenue. There will be also a likelihood of having disagreements with business partners and colleagues that might end up in the dissolution of partnerships. There will also be possibilities of starting something but being unable to follow through on it. It will be important that you follow your agenda so that your objectives will be achieved during the discussions. You will have a lot of potential to earn a lot this year as long as you remind yourself that time is precious and not to waste it on unnecessary activities. Wealth Your wealth luck will be good this year. The challenges you face will not be having bad wealth luck, but rather will be being able to reap and retain your wealth. There will be a few potential problems that might reduce your wealth. There might be the likelihood of overspending on socializing and entertaining. You should realize that if you have money to throw, you might attract people who will want to take advantage of the situation. Hence, you should think carefully of how to you use your money wisely. There might also be high medical fees incurred this year as you will be prone to falling ill and being accident-prone due to over indulging in nightlife, having inadequate rest and having a bad diet. You might even need to use your money to settle some problems that you might create or to pacify people who might use evidence that is detrimental to you. Thus, you should try to avoid getting yourself into trouble in the first place in order to save yourself a lot of heartaches. Relationship For singles although your popularity might soar, it will not be the right time to seriously consider a relationship yet. This is because those people who might appear in your life this year will only be a passing presence. Although your feelings might be intense, you will need to consider whether this relationship will be able to handle the challenges you will face in life and whether this will be a healthy relationship before committing yourself to it. The relationships that might appear this year are those that might be intense but will be temporary and fragile. For those who are attached or married, you will need to be careful of having extra-marital affairs. Though there will be many temptations for you to do so, it will be important for you to realize that a moment of enjoyment might cause permanent damage to your relationship. You should not risk your happiness for something that will not last as you will have too much to lose in terms of your healthy relationship or even your marriage. Health Your health will be unstable and you might get ill often. You will be prone to illnesses that might relate to excessive drinking, smoking and eating and also to inadequate rest and a lack of exercise. There might be feelings of being lethargic often and this in turn might affect your performance at work and you will also be prone to respiratory problems and having a poor immune system. Furthermore, you should avoid drinking and driving. As your concentration will be weaker due to inadequate rest, you should not drive if you feel tired. Remember that in order to have good health, there should be a balance in terms of both work and play. Having too much night life or an unhealthy lifestyle will affect your health. People There might be some direct disagreements with some people. You will need to be careful in terms of managing those who might not agree with you before things become unpleasant. There will be a tendency that people that you might meet this year will be those who might like to take advantage of your generosity and your popularity. However, they will not be prepared to be sincere or remain loyal to you. Although they might not backstab you, there will be a high possibility of betrayals and disappointing you when you need them the most. There will also be some people who might try to tempt you into bad habits and also into having extra-marital affairs. Be careful of doing things that you might regret later as such knowledge might end up in the wrong hands. You can enjoy your popularity but you will need to differentiate between those who might want to take advantage of you and those whom you can rely upon. You will also need to be aware of your own behavior and whom you associate with. Furthermore, you might want to be more selective of your friends and associates and not to just take things at face value. Action Place an Onxy and Obsidian near you. You can contact us for a personal reading as the advice given will be specifically tailored for you. You might want to consider having a Feng Shui consultation if you wish to utilize the environment to effectively enhance your fortune in areas such as wealth, health, relationships and career and to lessen your difficulties. GOAT General This will be a difficult year for you. Although you will have a small helpful star shining upon you, it will be inadequate to stave off all the challenges that you might meet along the way. However, it will still be better than nothing. It will be important for you to count your blessings this year and appreciate what you have. There will be many problems that will happen this year that will seem to challenge your patience and might seem like they are out to get you. You will tend to be short tempered and impulsive which will be at odds with your nature. For you to better survive this year, you should try to remain calm and remind yourself not to be impulsive and not to over react to situations in a hasty manner or out of desperation. You should not get involved in other people’s matters and also not be part of a gossip corner. Your health will be unstable due to the stress and anger you might have accumulated throughout the course of the year. Your wealth will also be below average due to your own high expenses and impulsive spending patterns. Furthermore, you might also be cheated or you might purchase items exceeding their actual monetary value. Your intuition might not be your best guide this year. Thus, you should try to be easy on yourself and others and learn the lessons of life and not to make things worse. Keep a low profile and focus on finding peace within yourself. Career You will feel that your progress at work will be slow and there might be more obstacles or challenges than you might expect. This will cause you to be demoralized and weary of how things will be. Apart from people issues such as gossip or those being uncooperative, there will also be many technical or business process problems you will be faced with. Though you will have a small lucky star to waive off some of the obstacles this year, this star will not be powerful enough to overcome all the obstacles. As there will be many matters that might go wrong, be careful of being deceived into trusting the wrong people, being cheated or making desperate moves. Avoid taking any unnecessary and frantic measures. Be careful of legal complications and you should not agree on doing anything that might require you to push your luck even though it might promise you good returns. Impulsive decisions will most likely leave you with more regrets as your intuition will not be functioning well this year. It will be easier for you to maintain a low profile. The more easy-going you are, the easier it will be for you to be able to get through this year. You main task this year will be not to aggravate the problems by being too strong headed or stubborn. As you approach the third and final quarter of the year, you will find that your luck will slowly improve and the problems will gradually resolve themselves. In business, it will be a challenging year. Business will be slow and there will be many issues that might require your attention. You will find that the strategies that you employ might not be working that well. There will also be many internal human resource issues. Your employees and business partners might not be cooperating with you. They might gossip about you or even argue with you. Clients or authority figures might misunderstand you and that might cost you future business. Avoid making unnecessary comments and be clear in your communications. You will not want to get involved in matters that do not directly impact you in case of complications. Cash flow will be quite tight this year and it will be important for you to use your money wisely. If there are business proposals that might promise quick returns, it will be important for you to consider it carefully. Avoid venturing into anything that might break the law. You might also want to be careful when people request you to make large purchases as you might be cheated or be terribly short-changed. Use your money wisely. Wealth Your wealth luck will be much below average. There will be a tendency of making huge purchases out of impulse or desperation. If you can, you should try to be calm in dealing with monetary matters. Avoid spending money as a way to reduce stress or to comfort yourself psychologically. There will be a high likelihood that you will be cheated or be short-changed in your purchases or when making investments. You might need to use some common sense to understand the value of the purchase or investment before committing any money. Avoid making investments especially those that promise high returns. You should not lend people money this year or be a guarantor to others. No matter how confident you might be in terms of your financial status, it will be wise for you to keep an eye on your finances because there will be many occasions where you might need it for critical circumstances to help pull you through some crisis. Relationship For singles, the possibility of being in your ideal relationship will be rather slim this year. It will not be because the right person will not have appeared yet. Rather, there will be many obstacles that you will need to face this year that will affect the way you see things and the way you react to people. The gentler side of you will fade away while being replaced by your aggressive nature. You will tend to be more abrupt and bad tempered towards others than usual and this might be a turn off to your potential suitors. If you would like to be in a relationship, you will need to manage your moods and the way you treat others. For those who are attached or married, you will tend to be more on edge and short tempered and might even take it out on your spouse. The anger and the stress that you have will cloud your judgment. Thus, you should try to be patient. Health Your health will be unstable. Most of your health issues will be related to organs that deal with your cleansing functions, such as your liver and kidney. The anger and stress that you face might further put your health at risk. Try to be careful of your diet. You will also not want to over dose on nutrients or medications as your body might find it more difficult to process the toxins that you have in your body in light of the stress and anger you will put yourself through. Apart from this, you will be more accident prone in terms of falling down, spraining or fracturing your limbs. It would be best to try to engage in activities that will help you to channel your stress and anger out in healthy ways. By being able to be at peace with yourself and to learn the lessons as they come, will help to reduce the instability of your health. People People problems this year will be quite severe. In general, people might not cooperate with you. They might tend to gossip about you or even have direct conflicts with you. Apart from that, it will seem that people will tend to misunderstand or misinterpret you easily. Hence, it will be important for you to take it easy on yourself. Avoid making unnecessary comments as you will not want to say too much as it might complicate matters later. Direct conflicts, especially in written form, should be avoided no matter how angry you might be. Long and nasty emails will be things that you should look to avoid. Should others be nasty to you, instead of rebuking a gracious smile will give you an upper hand. As your judgment will be clouded by bad luck, you might tend to be cheated or trust in the wrong person. Your impulsive behavior might create problems for yourself and might even offend some of your friends along the way. No matter how bleak the situation might be, it will be important for you to give yourself more time to consider dealing with matters in a more diplomatic manner. Avoid making purchases or major decisions within a short time frame. You should take a day to think through your decisions or look through the details carefully before committing to them. Action Place a Copper, Ocean Jasper, Kyanite and Hollandlite stars near you. You can contact us for a personal reading as the advice given will be specifically tailored for you. You might want to consider having a Feng Shui consultation if you wish to utilize the environment to effectively enhance your fortune in areas such as wealth, health, relationships and career and to lessen your difficulties. MONKEY General This is going to be a wonderful year for you. As you are already in a better position compared to others, this will be a good time to make your dreams come true. Not only will your plans materialize, but you will also enjoy greater popularity. People will give you the support that you need and even strangers will be friendly towards you. Although in general you will be in a good position for great advancements, you will need to be aware of your own behavior and how others might react to you. You should always remain humble and modest. It will be best not to participate in gossip corners and not to speak poorly about others. Should you not have anything good to say, it will be better not to say anything. Where you might have upset or offended others, they will not be able to get back at you directly. But it will be returned to you many folds later when your popularity subsides. It will be better not to make any enemies now. Another possible danger that you will face this year is the sudden crises that will arise. Hence, it will be critical for you to be prepared and have contingency plans should things take a sudden turn for the worse. Not only will this give you greater assurance of success, others will also be deeply impressed with your foresight. You might fall in love this year if you are single. This will also be a good time to strengthen your relationship if you are already in one. As your popularity will be on the rise, avoid entangling yourself in a messy situation. Try to stay focused on your relationship and not create misunderstandings. Be careful of health issues that might strike without warning. You should roll up your sleeves and get ready to reap the best out of this year. Career Your career is filled with many golden opportunities and you will be able to get support from the relevant people easily. This will be a great time for you to shine through with excellent performances. You should try to take this opportunity to implement major plans that you have been shelving. You will do exceptionally well if you are in project teams, sales or giving presentations. Apart from your extraordinary performances, your strong popularity will earn you more credit than you think and will be able to push your career to great heights. Many people will enjoy working on the same team or project with you and they will even volunteer to get matters done for you. Though everything will seem to be moving in your favor, it will be important to have contingency plans because challenges will tend to arise in the most unexpected ways. This might ruin you or cause setbacks to your plans. Apart from this, you will need to continuously remind yourself not to get carried away while you are enjoying the recognition and support, because you might accidentally offend or upset others without knowing. Though these people whom you have offended or are upset with you might not confront you directly, they might do or say things behind your back at a more vulnerable time. Hence, it will be best to stay humble and modest while you reap the fruits of your success as this will enable you to have prolonged success. If you are in business, your business will do well. This will also be a good time to engage in activities to promote greater publicity for your business in order to get more exposure. You will find that people will tend to enjoy doing business with you and your business will take off. While you will do very well in business, it will be important for you to stay cautious and keep an eye on details. The challenges that will appear this year will be quick and sudden. Being able to have good contingency plans will help with business continuity and will also leave a very good impression of your business to others and this will further improve the reputation of your company. While you will be doing very well, you should not be abrupt to others, no matter who they might be or how busy you might be. In the business world, there is no fixed definition as to who your clients will be and who your vendors will be. When you shut the door to others, you will be at the same time closing doors for yourself. Hence, always stay humble and modest. You will also need to be careful of what you comment upon. Wealth Your wealth luck will be good. There will be indications that you will have salary increments. If you are in sales or earn via commissions, you will do well too. This will be a good year for you to make double, triple or multiple times your average wages. Keep what you will reap for a rainy day should you be able to optimize your good fortune. Though your wealth luck in general will be good, you will not want to take unnecessary risks or make impulsive decisions about your finances. It will also be best not to place all your eggs into one basket. This will be because there will tend to be many sudden crises that might crop out from nowhere and this might wipe out your earnings within a short time frame or might even put you into debt. You should always do your homework and take only calculated risks and should not be overly reliant on your intuition. Relationship For singles, there will be a high possibility for you to fall in love this year. It will be good if you continue to participate in social activities so that you will know more people and will have more choices as to whom you will like to develop relationships with. If you are attached or married, this will be a good time for you to further strengthen your relationship. You will be able to enjoy good times together and there will be chemistry between each other. Even if you have been in a relationship for quite a while, this will be the time to rejuvenate your relationship. Your busy schedule might cause some tension or become a hindrance to your relationship. It will be important for you to manage your time well so that you can establish your career while enjoying your relationship. Your strong popularity might attract unwanted attention from third parties. If you are already in a relationship, it will be wise to stay away from these potential problems of risking your relationship for something that will be temporary and not lasting. Health You will also be prone to illnesses that might strike unexpectedly such as heart attacks or strokes. It will be important for you to take care of your emotions as laughing too hard or being too angry might cause such health problems. The challenges that occur will be rather harsh and sudden and will be a shock to you. Hence, it will be important for you to bear this in mind and try not to engage in activities that will put your health at risk. It will help if you try to calm yourself down and remind yourself that your health is important. As you are quite popular this year, it will be very common for people to ask you out to catch up and have a drink. If you drink, you should have someone drive you or get onto public transport. Avoid trying to drive home yourself as you will also be prone to accidents this year. Be cautious about traffic rules and stay focused on what you are doing and be especially careful of your safety by not attempting to cross roads while on the phone or trying to run across roads without looking at traffic. People There will not be too many people problems because your popularity will be strong. People will enjoy your company and will want to be part of the activities that you participate in. You will attract people and will leave a good impression easily and will also get the support from people without much effort. Due to these advantages, you should try to make the most by being diplomatic in the way you deal with matters as well as with people. You will be able to earn greater recognition and will be rewarded with greater popularity and success. On the contrary should you get carried away and start to treat others badly, although people might not confront you directly or gossip behind your back, they will start to distance themselves from you. When you are in a more vulnerable state or when your popularity starts to fade, they will not pass up the opportunity to bring you down. Also, you should avoid participating in gossip corners. It will be easier for you to make friends and have long lasting relationships this year. Thus, you should try to make the most of this year. Action Place Kyanite and Black Tourmaline at your desk or in your bedroom. You can contact us for a personal reading as the advice given will be specifically tailored for you. You might want to consider having a Feng Shui consultation if you wish to utilize the environment to effectively enhance your fortune in areas such as wealth, health, relationships and career and to lessen your difficulties. Last edited by Henry Lau on Mon Feb 02, 2009 10:56 am, edited 1 time in total.
ROOSTER
General Your good luck from the year of the Rat will continue into the year of the Ox. However, there will be many more uncertainties this year compared to the year of the Rat. The good news will be that these uncertainties will not strike unexpectedly and you will have adequate time to take necessary precautions. You will need to thread with care and to expect more challenges this year. Your mind should be kept sharp and you should be alert to handle new challenges. This will be a good time for you to take up courses and to pick up new skills. For those who are students, you will succeed with flying colors this year with little effort. For others, you will also continue to gain great wealth this year. However there will be far more people problems this year, as there will be people who might want to hinder your growth or try to cheat you of your money. As such avoid flaunting your wealth and be cautious of such people. At the same time, you will also meet special people who might bring great success upon you. The challenge for you will be to identify such people and not to trust in the wrong people. How much you will be able to reap from this year will depend heavily on whether you can distinguish between these two groups of people. Your health in general will be average but you will be more accident prone than usual and there might even be indications of having surgery. Career You will continue to do well this year in terms of your career. There will be indications of promotions and salary increments. Your concentration will be more powerful and you will pick up information easily and learn new things fast. If you need to attend any courses, this will be a great time to do so. You will also do well in terms of strategy planning and business development. Though you might have equally good luck as the year of the Rat, the difference will be the increase in obstacles this year. You might feel that there will be many uncertainties that will determine whether you do well or not. One such determining factor will depend on whether you will be able to associate yourself with the right people as there will be people who will do things that might hinder your progress and development. However, there will also be people who will be able to rescue you out of difficult situations or be able to provide you good assistance that will eventually lead to your success. How your year will turn out will depend on whether you will be able to identify those who can bring you to greater heights of success and those who will bring you down. If you are doing business, you will continue to do well. You might want to focus on the activities that require strategy planning such as strategies for business expansion, increasing your market share or establishing your company in another country. While you are doing so, be alert for people whom you associate with as there will be those who might try to jeopardize your plans or to make things difficult for you. At the same time, there will also be extraordinary people who will take your business to new heights. It will be important for you to be able to identify those who can help you on your road to success. This year will also be a good time to venture into unfamiliar territory. However, it will be important for you to gather the information yourself and also take some time to evaluate the different proposals that will be presented to you as there might be some people who will try to cheat you or short-change you of your money. Wealth Your wealth luck will be good this year. You will be able to continue to have great earnings this year from your main source and additional sources of income. Though you will be doing well in terms of your wealth, you will need to be careful of those trying to cheat you of your money. These people might be both individuals and institutions. They might mislead you into making investments that will put you at a disadvantage or short-change you in your purchases. You will not want to flaunt your wealth because this might attract the attention of ill-intentioned people. If there are any proposals or suggestion related to your wealth, it will be important to go through the details of the contract and gather more information yourself before making any commitments. You should also try to use more than one source of information and also check on the credibility of your sources. Relationship For singles, this will be a quiet year in general. However, this will not mean that there will be no possibility of falling in love. You are encouraged to participate in more activities that you enjoy and at the same time to get to know more people. When you are doing something that you enjoy, the more attractive side of you will show and it will attract people to you. The best part is that you will be able to attract people who will have similar interests to you. If you are in a relationship or are married, there will be a lot of tension due to other people’s concerns, comments or gossip. It will be important to understand not to bring other people’s problems into your relationship. No matter what other people might say, they are not in your shoes and with the person that you love. Hence, there will be no reason to jeopardize your relationship or make your loved ones upset because of other people's comments. You should remain harmonious and show lots of care and your relationship will flourish this year. Health In general, your health will be quite stable. However, there will be indications of incidents that might cause some shedding of blood such as accidents, surgeries or cuts. Be careful of traffic accidents when driving or when operating any machinery keep a clear mind. If you feel that you are tired, try to get more rest instead of driving or operating any machinery. You will not only be putting yourself at risk, but you will also become a hazard to others. Apart from having other surgeries that are health related, you will also need to be careful in terms of fractures and injuries that might include sports injuries. Should you happen to participate in activities that might have a potentially higher risk of injuries such as hiking, mountain climbing, ensure that you will have plenty of rest before such activities and take adequate safety precautions. It will be better to be safe than sorry. It will be preferable for you to try to participate in team activities so that others will be able to watch over you. People There will be an interesting phenomenon this year as far as people are concerned. There will be people who will want to use underhanded means to place you at a disadvantage. These people might try to trick you into managing your money incorrectly, hinder your career advancements or talk badly about you in order to affect your reputation. There will also be people who will bring great help to you as well. The challenges for you will be to manage those who might want to make things difficult for you while looking out for people who might give you ideas or tips for growth. These people will usually be strong in terms of developing strategies and planning to be able to help you achieve new heights of success. Hence, you might want to be careful in how you deal with people this year. You need to be cautious so as not to fall into the traps of those who might want to harm you. However, you should also walk through the doors of opportunities that are opened for you. You should not take people at face value as you might be surprised as to how some people’s suggestions might be useful to you and helpful for you. Action Place metal dragon in your Gui Ren position. You can contact us for a personal reading as the advice given will be specifically tailored for you. You might want to consider having a Feng Shui consultation if you wish to utilize the environment to effectively enhance your fortune in areas such as wealth, health, relationships and career and to lessen your difficulties DOG General This is a good year for you in terms of your career prospects and receiving acknowledgment from your authority figures. However, as you might find yourself getting more responsibilities and getting busier at work, it will consume more of your time and affect your mood. You will also have lesser tolerance towards other colleagues and associates. Your wealth will be good and there will be a high probability for you to increase your sources of revenue. However, you will not be suited to make investments or getting involved in quick money schemes. Though you will be doing well in many aspects of your life, you will tend to feel lonely or emotionally detached. It might be that you become frustrated with people in general and there will be a high tendency that you will isolate yourself which might affect your relationship or potential relationship greatly. You might also become the victim of gossip and misunderstandings in that you might either be the person in which gossip revolves around or you might allow gossip to cloud your judgment. As long as your conscience is clear, you will not need to be bothered by gossip and you should also not believe everything you hear or jump to conclusions when you hear rumors. Your health will be average in general but you will need to be careful of health problems that are related to irregular meals and even of food poisoning. Apart from being careful of your own health, you will need to pay special attention to your elders' health and safety. Should they have health problems, try to get them treated immediately before it turns worse. Career You will continue to do well in your career this year as there will be many opportunities for you to show your strength and you will get recognition from your management. However, as your bosses realize that you will be able to handle greater responsibilities, more tasks will be assigned to you. With a heavier workload, you will need to work harder and in doing so might start to spread yourself too thin and this might greatly affect your health and mood. The challenges in your career this year will be to deal with gossip and people issues. As you will need to coordinate a lot of matters within a very tight time frame, you might need to be harsh on your colleagues or associates in order for tasks to be done. This might even offend some of your colleagues as others might not be able to understand the urgency and importance of getting things done. In some circumstances, you might also have to correct the mistakes your colleagues create and this might lead to a lot of frustration in you. Avoid participating in gossip at work. You should not get involved with matters that do not directly impact you as you might find yourself having to handle new assignments. You will need to find a balance between being diplomatic and being firm this year in order to get things done and yet not to offend people along the way. No matter how many challenges you might face, you will be protected by a lucky star and obstacles will be overcome or minimized. Be confident and optimistic. Although you might be a good team player, you will prefer to keep to yourself and have more personal space. Most likely, you will find that you can get things done faster by doing it yourself. If you are in business, this will be a great year to look into further increasing your revenue and taking your business to new heights. You might also look into exploring new markets. However, you should avoid entering high-risk markets even though they might promise higher returns. You will be able to do well using your wisdom and intuition. There might also be more resource problems, quarrels or arguments in your company that might be due to misunderstandings or confusion about the direction of the company or the way the company is being run. You should not over-react but should simply and slowly chart out the direction the company is taking and to convince your business partners and colleagues. Keep your communication channels open and simple. The misunderstandings will slowly be resolved and you will get support from your colleagues and business partners. Wealth Your wealth luck is generally good. This will be a good time to look out for salary increments and for other sources of income. Though you will have good wealth luck, this will not imply that it will be a good time to be gambling. It will be easier for you to gain wealth through your primary source of income rather than through investments or gambling. You might also consider looking into other sources of making money. By evaluating different methods, you might be able to find new ways of making additional income. To increase your wealth, you should not depend solely on your salary, as it will most likely be fixed until management decides to increase it. At the same time, your expenses will continue to increase. Thus you should find new ways that are stable and yet will give you reasonably decent returns. Discovering new streams of income will enable you to increase your wealth over the longer term. Relationship For singles, the possibility of meeting your ideal partner will be quite slim. It might seem that you will be overloaded with responsibilities at work and also be quite worried about your elders’ health that you will not be in the mood or have the time to socialize. Apart from this, you might feel that you will need more personal space even though you might feel lonely sometimes. You should try to continue to do things that you enjoy and also give yourself some time to socialize. You will also be able to find peace within you. Avoid isolating yourself. If you are attached or married, there will be more tension and cold wars this year. The reasons for the disagreements or cold treatments will most likely be due to some gossip or problems created by ill-intentioned people. There will also be possibilities that your partner might be sent overseas or required to do tasks that will be result in spending less time with you. You should keep your communication channels with your partner clear. If there are any misunderstandings, try to resolve them soon and be patient and tolerant with your partner. Remind each other not to let gossip or other people's matters affect the relationship the both of you treasure. If your partner might have to spend less time with you, you should not let your imagination run wild and start arguments with your partner as your partner might be having an equally difficult time as you. Health Your health in general will be average. The potential health issues that you will face this year might be related to your diet. You might have irregular meals due to your tight schedule at work and there will also be the high possibility of suffering from food poisoning. You will need to be cautious of what you eat and the hygiene of the food- being prepared. If you need to travel, you might consider bringing Pro-biotics along to prevent diarrhea. You will also need to pay extra attention of your elders' health and safety. They will have a higher risk of falling ill or being accident-prone. Should there be signs of illnesses, try to let them undergo treatment before it becomes worse. Should it be possible, try not to let them go out alone or go out during rainy days. People There will be a lot of gossip and accusations thrown at you this year. Avoid participating in gossip corners. Although it might seem fun when talking about others, it might come back to haunt you and you will not want to be the victim of gossip. Furthermore when you hear gossip, you should not trust everything that you hear as it might leave an impression on you and you should not allow gossip to alter your judgment on matters or on people. You might find that it is frustrating to deal with people because they will not meet your expectations or even hinder your progress. Hence, you might show frustration towards others and this might offend or upset others who might in turn make nasty comments about you. Such gossip will spread around and this might tarnish your reputation. Isolating yourself from colleagues or friends will not help matters as it will be seen as an act of someone with a guilty conscience. You should not get annoyed and confront people. If you know that you have been doing the right thing and have also used a diplomatic approach, the gossip will die off eventually. Action Place a metal horse in your Gui Ren position. Carry Jade Pixiu with you. Place a white phantom quartz near you. You can contact us for a personal reading as the advice given will be specifically tailored for you. You might want to consider having a Feng Shui consultation if you wish to utilize the environment to effectively enhance your fortune in areas such as wealth, health, relationships and career and to lessen your difficulties. PIG General Though the year of the Ox may not be a fantastic year for you, it will be better than the year of the Rat. There will be strong indications of movement. This will imply that you might be moving house, running around to get things done, travel frequently overseas or even relocating to other countries. No matter what might be the case, this is going to be a busy year for you. There might be some obstacles such as having direct conflicts with people and having to find yourself fending on your own. The good news will be that there will not be many people who will deliberately try to hinder you from your goals. Due to your tight schedule, you might neglect your health and will tend to fall ill easily. There will also be indications of being attacked by animals. You will also need to pay attention to your elders' health and safety. Apart from neglecting your health, you might also not put in enough time to spend with your friends and family. Due to this, the bond between your friends and family might weaken and this might cause unhappiness and dissatisfaction of your behavior from your friends and family. If you are in a relationship, this will also cause tension. Your wealth luck is below average. Your expenses are high but your sources of income will not seem to increase correspondingly. You should try to maintain a low profile this year and be conservative in your approach. Pace yourself in terms of what need to be done and take breaks in between. This will enable you to prolong your stamina and not get burnt out. Career On the career front, there will be many movements. There will be various possibilities in respect of your animal sign. One is that you will be busier than usual and the tasks you need to handle will continue piling up. The second possibility will be that you might need to travel around to get things done. You might be traveling within the country or even traveling overseas and the amount of time that you will spend on the road seems to be extensive. The third possibility is that you might be sent for overseas assignments. As you will be traveling very often, you will need to take good care of your health, diet and have adequate rest to maintain a strong immune system in order to stay healthy. You might find that matters at work seem to be more haphazard than usual. The directions from the management seem to keep changing that might force you to close some projects that are done halfway. The busier you will be at work or the more traveling you need to do will signify the better your career prospects will be. People at work might be more aggressive and might even be more unreasonable towards you. There will be strong indications of direct conflicts or even others showing their temper. You will not have adequate support from your authority figures. You should take it easy and not reciprocate. You will have a lot to do this year and you should just focus on what you need to accomplish. You will not want to spend a lot of energy on unnecessary political struggles that might prove to be draining and yet unfruitful. You should work on other areas such as exercising or doing something that you will enjoy in order to channel your stress or anger in a healthy manner. If your job requires you to handle animals, please pay extra attention as there will be a high probability of being attacked by them. No matter how confident or well-trained you are with them, you should not let your guard down. If you will be doing business, you might find that you will need to attend to many things. Apart from that, you might need to travel extensively around visiting clients or having meetings. Though you will be busy, the results might not reflect the efforts that you will put in. There will be many obstacles and you might be rejected for deals or people might be quite harsh to you. There will also be direct conflicts with business partners, colleagues or even clients. You should not react impulsively. You might not want to listen to everything you might hear or to reject all opinions other people provide you with. You should take some time to reflect on what might be the possible reasons for clients or potential clients declining doing business with you. You might want to take this opportunity to work on fine-tuning business processes and work on making improvements. This year will be a good year for you to learn new things. Though it might be painful, the great efforts that you will put in this year will return handsome benefits to you in the near future. Wealth Your wealth luck will be below average. This will mainly be because of certain high expenses you will be incurring this year. If you are traveling overseas, you might be tempted to buy interesting items that you might chance upon. You will also spend more on transport costs compared to other years and you might buy a new house this year which will be a huge expense. Should you be moving to a new home, you might also incur costs in getting your new house furnished. The other area of expenses might come from medical fees for yourself and the elderly. In addition to large expenses, the probability of obtaining new sources of income is rather low. While your income will not increase, your expenses will continue to rise and it will pose a challenge for you to save. You should not make investments or pursue gambling and also avoid lending people money or being a guarantor. You will need to keep a safety buffer in terms of your finances this year in case of an emergency. Relationship For singles, the possibility of falling in love this year will be slim. You will always be very busy and you will not have time for socializing. You might not give yourself enough time to get to know others. Others might also find it difficult to communicate with you as you might always be on the road or be preoccupied with other matters. After several attempts, the interested party might give up and decide to leave you alone. For those who are attached or married, there will be more tension this year. As you will have too many things to get done, you might be abrupt with your partner and your partner might not understand and quarrels might arise. If you will always be traveling overseas, your partner might feel insecure and tend to let their imagination run wild. Their questions and suspicions might lead to quarrels. Hence, you should be patient with your partner and understand that it is their love that leads to their insecurity due to your absence. Should you buy a new house this year, there might be quarrels over how the house should be decorated or renovated. Try to respect each other and not allow trivial matters to end up in heated arguments. Health You will also be prone to falling ill. Your immune system will be rather weak due to inadequate rest, irregular meals and dehydration. In the midst of your tight schedule, it will also be important to take good care of your health. Should you fall ill, it will disrupt your plans and might cause further inconvenience to yourself. Good health will always be the basis of your success. Another phenomenon that might shows up in the stars is you will be prone to being attacked by animals. Although the possibility of this happening might be small if you do not keep pets and hardly come into contact with any animals, it will still be better to be careful than to be sorry later because you might possibly come across some stray animals. For those of you who have pets or might be required to handle animals, it will be important to take precautions. Apart from taking care of your own health and safety, you will also need to be careful of your elders' health and safety. People The people problems will be less severe than usual. Should people not agree with you, they will be more likely to express it directly to you than to talk behind your back. Hence, there will be more direct conflicts than usual. As you will always be on the move and be busy with your own work, the contact that you will have with such people will be quite brief. This will reduce the time for gossip to grow, for conflicts to happen and even for relationships to be built. This might also mean that you will be hardly able to build strong relationships from all the brief encounters and you might find that you have difficulty to get support from others this year as well. On many occasions, people might prefer to leave you alone to get your things done. It will also be very likely that you will be so engrossed on matters at hand that you will not even notice when others are trying to play politics with you. It will be a blessing in disguise as you will be able to simply overlook them and their politics will turn out to have minimal impact on you. Action Carry a Jade Pixiu with you. Place a metal horse in your Gui Ren position. Place a leopard stone near you. You can contact us for a personal reading as the advice given will be specifically tailored for you. You might want to consider having a Feng Shui consultation if you wish to utilize the environment to effectively enhance your fortune in areas such as wealth, health, relationships and career and to lessen your difficulties.
And the winner of the longest post ever places on this forum goes to.........
Mr Frog
A frog goes into a bank in Marbella and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation." Pattie looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Pattie explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Pattie explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" (you're gonna love this) The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It's a knick-knack, Pattie Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. 'Mummy, I was at the playground And I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...' At this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.' At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the rigs.' Mummy fainted! Moral: Sometimes you need to just shut up and listen to the whole story before you interrupt!
6 classic affairs
The 1st Affair: A married man was having an affair with his secretary One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM . The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded. 'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.' 'You lying ! You've been playing golf!' The 2nd Affair: A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife, 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?' The wife smiled sweetly and replied, 'Not this time!' The 3rd Affair: A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! 'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.' So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. 'I have to show you something you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase. 'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead?!?!' The 4th Affair: A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.' She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. 'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.' 'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room. 'Oh it's a statue.' she replied. 'The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too.' No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. 'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing' The 5th Affair: A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. 'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.' 'One Cent?' the man thought. He glanced at the menu and asked, 'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?' 'A nickel,' the barman replied. 'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this place?' The bartender replied, 'Upstairs, with my wife.' The man asked, 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?' The bartender replied, 'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.' The 6th Affair: Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly, 'I have something I must confess.' 'There's no need to,' his wife replied. 'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!' 'I know, I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'
Re: Henry's Jokes & Games & Stuff
From the State where drink driving is considered a sport, comes a
true story from the Sunshine Coast, Queensland. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighbourhood tavern Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into.He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night), flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few cm, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a Breathalyzer test. To his amazement the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said 'I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station this Breathalyzer equipment must be broken.' 'I doubt it,' said the man, 'tonight I'm the designated decoy'. True story...
Re: Henry's Jokes & Games & Stuff
The big bad wolf said “I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down”.
The little pig said “f*ck off or I’ll sneeze on you!”
Re: Henry's Jokes & Games & Stuff
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!' So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!' The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day, St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on .... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?' The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck.
Re: Henry's Jokes & Games & Stuff
How Fights Start
My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... ****************************************** My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And then the fight started.... ****************************************** Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage.. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started... ****************************************** I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!" So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?" And then the fight started..... ***************************************** My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started... ****************************************** When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station. And then the fight started... ****************************************** After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... ****************************************** My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... ****************************************** I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started... ****************************************** A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started.....
Re: Henry's Jokes & Games & Stuff
Dave the hen
Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed. 'Who the hell are you?', demanded Dave, 'and what are you doing in my bedroom ?' The mysterious man answered, 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter.' Dave was stunned. 'You mean I'm dead !!! That can't be, I have so much to live for - and I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . You've got to send me back straight away.' St Peter replied, 'Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.' Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around, pecking the ground. 'This ain't so bad', he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, 'So you're the new hen, How are you enjoying your first day here ?' 'It's not so bad', replies Dave, 'but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode.' 'You're ovulating', explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before.' 'Never', replies Dave. 'Well just relax and let it happen'. And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him . . . Ever!!! The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting... 'Dave, wake up, you drunken XOXOXO. You've sh*t the bed !!'
Re: Henry's Jokes & Games & Stuff
That was 3 minutes of my life wasted,all that I was hoping for a better ending Henry,lift your game
Re: Henry's Jokes & Games & Stuff
This chappy goes to see the doctor.
Whats the problem , asks the doctor. Well its my ars...ole , it keeps singing. Ah well , drop your strides and i'll take a look, says the doc. Good o'l collingwood forever sings the ars....ole. Pull back up your strides say's the doc. . . . . . . . . . Thats very common,nothing to worry about exclaims the doc, plenty of ars....ol's sing that song.
Re: Henry's Jokes & Games & Stuff
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have
turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal. Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question." Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln." Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home." Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first. Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King." Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go." Johnny is even madder than before. Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy." Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave." Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions. When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!" The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"
Re: Henry's Jokes & Games & Stuff
To Those of Us Born
1930 - 1979 At the end of this email is a quote of the month by Jay Leno. If you don't read anything else, please read what he said. Very well stated, Mr. Leno.. TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!! First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-base paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps not helmets on our heads. As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes. Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat... We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and no one actually died from this. We ate cupcakes made with Lard, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank FLAV- OR- AID made with real white sugar. And, we weren't overweight. WHY? Because we were always outside playing....that's why! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.. No one was able to reach us all day. And, we were OKAY. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem We did not have Play stations, Nintendo's and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms. WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We would get spankings with wooden spoons, bayabas, rattan, walis, ping pong paddles, or just a bare hand and no one would call child services to report abuse. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns, for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks (siatong) and cans (tumba lata) and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes with pintik or tirador. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them. We attended "discotheques" climbing gates or fences sometimes with scratches and bruises to show for them but we didn't mind... Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. What can kids today do besides push buttons.. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. If YOU are one of them, CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good. While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were. Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it ? ~ "When you quit laughing, you quit living, so live well, love much, laugh often, and have an AWESOME day!"
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